An Epiphany or A Broken Flux Capacitor

image of Nokia Mobile Web Server, via NokNok TVIt’s nearly 2AM, and I’m probably way too tired to be even writing this. But, I am. I just finished catching up on the several hundred RSS feeds that usually line various points in my day and after closing a video of the recently announced Fusion Garage Grid10 Tablet, I glanced at my N8 that was sitting silently, in its nightly sleep-mode, next to me being unused and thought again that that’s where my eyes should be – or at least have information sourced from, rather than the iPad that I’m on.

I turned to the N8, and went to an application that I had downloaded but never attempted to install. Its been there for a long time, waiting for me to try it again. Waiting for me to finally get disgusted with the “way things are” and get back into attempting what doesn’t make logical sense.

I navigated to the File Manager, then to my memory card, then to Downloads. I clicked on the application: Mobile Web Server Beta v1.5.1 to install it. Either I’m getting back on that path where I knew too well that having more control over what I’m publishing will happen via this mobile, or I’m settling to online services that are ok, but aren’t necessarily working in my best interest.

I think that I knew better. The N97 that I had previously was barely supported by Nokia’s Mobile Web Server Beta, and I surely ran it until the service aspect of this application was shut down – ironically, that’s what led to me coming to WordPress for a personal blogging platform – I didn’t expect to be here this long. I was working from a hope – maybe it would also work on the N8 and I could sort-of get back to a kind of computing that I’d rather work and live through.

The install failed.

It would seem that while I had the right idea, my thoughts are probably too centered on the past for this to work. I’m sure that I could try iFMW again, but I know that it too hasn’t been update for the latest Symbian devices, and would also endear a similar ending note – a system message saying “install failed.”

What sparked the thought? Reading about the lack of control that we continue to have within these computing spaces. Reading about the want-for-control that companies and governments want to extend (sometimes rightly) over computing behaviors. However, I don’t know that it all should be so centralized (yes I know about Diaspora and The Locker Project). Or, at least so willingly offered to companies who have no better means to profit than by selling what they learn about you – without you knowing what or whom is involved in the selling. Only that “our partners” are privy to information that we collect about you, blah blah blah (legal stuff that you click to agree but rarely read).

I’m having a very hard set of weeks, where I thought that I’d be more productive than I’ve been. I’m asking myself very hard and core questions about resetting my steps and finding again certain passions behind what I do – whether tech stays in the forefront or an enabler of those passions. I’m looking for that *thing* which will enable me to capture the passions that I had when I ran with the Mobile Web Server, or mobile-only, or MMM, or drawing cars because it just felt right.

There’s something about me finding a way to getting back to hosting, managing, and building my computing life from the mobile(s) that I deal with that feels so central towards getting there. I’m not sure why, but when I fix what all that is keeping me from moving forward, I’m sure that I’ll enjoy the adventure in this space fully once again.