I really does seem like today has been full of conversations of all kinds. And in some respect, I was ready, and in others, not so ready. Especially for the questions. There were just a ton of hard questions today.
As with every morning since moving on from NouvEON, there’s the question of how am I going to approach the day. There are some writing projects in hand, but not as many speaking engagements at this time. So, I know that means that I need to spend my attitude on staying afresh intellectually and spiritually. That’s a decision to be made everyday before getting out of bed.
There’s the questions of Tuesday having to do with the brothers that I see which bracket the day (one in the morning, another in the evening). How will I respond to life when they share theirs. What will I do when I have questions of my own, and simply need to just be poured into? How far into the Scriptures will we dive? And several others. It is discipleship and mentoring at its finest, and I’m asking God the entire time on how to step forward.
There was today’s meeting with a pastor. Several questions came from that. One of the questions that’s becoming harder to answer, not because I don’t have one, but because I’m realizing why I have the answer that I do is, “what church do you regularly attend?” You see, at one time, I took that as the question of the culture (this is Charlotte, Billy Graham country, the Bible belt, etc.). Then it became a question that stroked some anger (what about fellowship means the institution of the church). Now, it has me curious. I wonder towards my own motivations, investigations. I don’t float, but it has been a bear to pin me down in a “church” home for many years. It is a question that is hard to answer because I know I’m comfortable in many states, most of the facades of the institution of the (c)hurch isn’t one of them at this time.
This is something of my days though that I am starting to see is probably the DNA of this period in my life. There are questions and challenges to life and comfort that I have to constantly face. Some of them will require that my back gets stronger, and others will require that I stop being as cold. I get it, but its oneo f the harder aspects of life, work, and ministry to adjust to.
Someone exclaimed in my presence that they were really proud of me because of the step of faith that I took in doing MMM when God rang that bell. I could only shake my head and wonder if they knew how hard it was to keep with it each day.
Which remains the hardest question of all… how long can a bro walk in faith, hoping for something notable to happen?